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    10 things we hate about summer….

    Summer, we love you – but at times, you suck.
    Don’t get us wrong, in those early June days, we’re begging for those warmer days and the idea of scorching hot heat, tanned skin and shades is oh so appealing. But after a while, it all gets too much – and quite frankly, you’re starting to piss us off.

    1. Does it have to be so damn hot?

    2. Our hair game is at an all time low.

    3. We’re not all the shade we thought we’d be.

    4. This is not okay.

    5. Who invited these guys?

    6. We just can’t get dry.

    7. Ass sweat, ass sweat everywhere.

    8. We can’t remember what cold beer tastes like…

    9. We’ve found sand in places we didn’t know we had places.

    10. That godforsaken moment when your flip flop flops.

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    EXCLUSIVE: Sant’ Antnin waste recycling plant up in flames

    One of our readers sent us the following images and videos.
    Updated  2.11 PM




    The massive fire could be seen as far as from St Julians

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    Wedding season in Malta

    The wedding season has officially started. It’s a time of stress and also a blissful time to the couple of course… but what about the guests? 




    We can all agree that guests come in all sorts and sizes, with their own expectations and of course opinions. The couple go through a struggle coming up with the guest list and this task creates tensions… between the couple themselves as well as between the couple and the kunjati!! 

    What is it with the parents wanting to invite their aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, their children and friends… most of these so called ‘family’ have last seen the couple when they were still in their diapers if at all! But there’s no arguing with the kunjata. Especially when she throws at you ‘Mela mhux hekk, biex jghidu bina!’ 

    Delivering the invites 

    Just so the parents and nanna are kept happy, the couple will go door to door delivering the invites… and yes even to the guests who they barely know are family. God forbid you leave anyone outEveryone is very cordial and pleasantries are exchanged… but the look on some invitees says it all…

    ‘Alla maghna,ċitazzjoni ohra!’ 

    Once back home the poor couple are grilled by the mother wanting to know what drinks they were offered, what food was presented, what was the topic of discussion, was the house clean and so on. Whatever the reply the phrase you’ll still get is

    ‘Kemm hi qammiela!’ 

    The big day 

    The big day has finally come, all preparations have been made and the guests are surely looking forward to attending the wedding. But, there’s a catch… some guests are looking forward cause they’re genuinely happy for the couple, some cause they want to show off the new stunning dress they just bought specifically for this long awaited occasionsome to ‘Jienħa niekol u nixrob kemm niflaħ biex inġib flusi lura’, some others will walk in the reception telling others ‘Ma nafx kemm ha jkollhom ikel ta dawn’, cause let’s face it, no other wedding will ever beat their daughter’s! 

    The reception is in full swing, the band is rocking it and everyone is having fun. Then from a distance you spot the drunk uncle, or is he some 2nd cousin, whatever, it’s not important. You spot the drunk guest who by this time has unruffled hair all over the place, no tie and no blazer, big circles of gharaq under the armpit from all the dancing.. ugh disgusting! But he’s not alone, along comes his better half dancing away doing the cha-cha to a rock song, making sure that everyone’s eyes are on her 

    ‘Ħarsu lejja ħi, ara kemm jien sexy!’. 

    Wait for it… from head to toes this lady is all made up… puffed up hair kollu peroxide, drag queen make up, freshly manicured long red nails, a dress two sizes too small screaming out for help while stretching itself to the limit trying to keep everything in. But it can’t do miracles! Xaħamtyres coming out of everywhere wriggling their way out of a tight squeeze. But the nightmare doesn’t stop there… this blessed barely 5ft lady wants to make a statement and she wants to look taller. The big hair is not enough so out come the 6 inch high stilettos. What a sorry sight, those heels are holding on to dear life trying to take in all the weight!

     ‘Mulej eħlisni minn dan is-saram’ 

    The couple cut the cake and thankfully guests start to leave… not before they stuff their faces with cake and pastini tal-lewż. To top it all off, a couple of days later the word on the street is that the wedding wasn’t that good 

    ‘U le tal-qamel kien, ikel ftit li xejn u xorb tac-cheap!’ 

     

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    “Il Perfs” ta’ Malta

    Il Perfs

    What are Perfs you say?

    “Il Perfs”  is a group of teenagers that hangs out at Valletta, hissing at people and bullying others.

    Now I know that most if not all of you wants to join this group! Put your glasses on cause I’m about to tell you how you can achieve your goal!

    The “secret” group that most of us don’t know nothing about

    Please find a step by step guide below.




    Continue reading

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    Beach bodies in Malta

    Is it May already? OMG!

    Summer is at the doorstep!

    What to do when we realise that summer has come and our bodies are not ready for it? Two obvious choices would be Diet and Exercise.

    Dieting

    Of course, the first instinct is to start a diet. Diet! Which one to choose? Which one delivers what it promises? Guess the best option would be THE DIET which is in fashion during the month of May!

    Then we suddenly realise that during May 2017 most of us will be attending all the meetings and parties and morning coffees and whichever event our favourite political party is organising before the election. Attending these events means drinking beer and eating pastizzi or pizza or deep fried hamburgers bic-chips from the mobile vending carts.

    From the looks of it dieting will have to be left for after we go out celebrating our party’s victory of the election! 





    Exercise 

     

    Ok, so if dieting has to be put at rest for a while, the next best thing is exercising. Again the dilemma is which type of exercise will burn the most calories and transform the winter fat into a killer body to show off on the beach. Too many to choose from. The go-to preference would be joining a gym, having a personal trainer would be ideal of course. 

    Cause let’s be honest, we all like paying the membership and showing off the gym card to our friends.  We all indulge in the glory of telling our admiring friends that we will be committing ourselves to going to the gym to work out with our own personal trainer.  The first let-down (if not the reason to just quit) is the personal trainer telling you that results won’t show immediately, the journey to having a toned body is long and entails a lot of sacrifices…..including dieting!!! 

    That’s it the gym can go to hell… we’ll manage some exercise at home or something (yeah right!) 

    At this point, we’ve just given up on having a killer beach body to show off.  We’ll have to wait till next year to have everyone stop in their tracks to look at us walking along the beach heading for an ice-cream or a hobza biz-zejt. 

    All we see is white skin and…..CELLULITE!! Horrific!!  

    Got it! Buying new swimwear will put our spirits up. Off we go to the stores going through endless lines of bikini options. We finally find something that we like. We go to the changing room anticipating the thrill we’ll get once we try the bikini on and see ourselves in the mirror. We get in, start undressing and low and behold…..what happened to our skin during the winter?! All we see is white skin and…..CELLULITE!! Horrific!!  

    Sun tan!! Yes, that’s it…..a glowing golden suntan will solve all our problems. It’ll mask the cellulite and make our new bikini look fabulous on us. But surely we can’t go to the beach to get that tan.  The home roof/garden/terrace will have to do. After all, we’ve seen worse happening on Maltese roof-tops recently!


    BONUS – TOP 10 MALTESE WOMEN WITH BEACH BODIES READY FOR SUMMER 2017


    10. Naomi Cortis

    09. Tara Ebejer

    A post shared by Tara Ebejer (@taraebejer) on

    08. Mandy Saliba

    A post shared by Mandy (@mandz_saliba) on





    07. Angie Vella

    06. Madeline Baldacchino

    Tumblr mood 💞

    A post shared by Madeleine Baldacchino (@madeleinebaldacchino) on

    05. Lara Vassallo

    04. Sarah Zerafa

    A post shared by Sarah Zerafa (@sosazerafa) on

    03. Strana Canning

    A post shared by 🍟🍟🍟 (@iamstrana.malta) on

    02. Valentina Rossi

    01. Marta Fenech

    A post shared by Martha Fenech (@marthafenech) on

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